He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
