she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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