Apparently you make a good broom.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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