$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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