I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
