I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
