Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
