I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I deserve this hangover.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
