curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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