Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
