Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
