To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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