Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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