My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
