Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
