I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
