At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
