hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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