I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
