last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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