this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
