I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
