new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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