Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
