He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
