He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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