I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
