bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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