how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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