I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
