Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it was like eating out sand paper
smell my finger.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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