During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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