I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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