I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
