My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
