oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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