Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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