Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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