you would pick up someone in the library
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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