I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
