So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
