I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
