ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
