Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
