so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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