did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
