everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
