so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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