That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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