My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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