Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
