i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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