my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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