He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Who did Billy Mays play for?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
