So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
