I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The beer is more important than you right now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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