you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
