just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize