Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
