dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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