I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
