hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Come on in and take your pants off
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