I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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