I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
