you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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