make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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