He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
