y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
