I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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