i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
