I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's the barista slut.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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