I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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