just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
worst night to have a conscience
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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